


To Have Lost

by Anmltz



Series: In the Memory of the Living [4]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-23 00:22:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13775721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anmltz/pseuds/Anmltz
Summary: "“I want to marry her,” is possibly one of the worst things to wake up to from a nap on an otherwise pleasant Sunday afternoon."England just wishes Australia would get over this phase.





	To Have Lost

Australia loves her. It’s earth shattering and all consuming. He loves the way her hair shines in the sunlight, the gap in her teeth when she smiles, her sweet kisses and gentle caresses. Australia is in love and loves it.

Australia is in love and England hates it. He hates it because he knows this love. Has had it, has been hurt by it and no longer cares to dabble in it. He knows it’s destructiveness and it’s hopelessness. He knows the certainty of it’s end and he just wants this phase to be over.

“She’s amazing, England, if you’d just meet her!”

There’s exasperation in Australia’s voice but England is long used to it. He raises a brow and passes New Zealand the salt, “Everything new to you is special,” he says condescendingly.

New Zealand snorts into his potatoes and Australia levels an angry glare at his guardian but England’s been in many wars and had far worse.

“We’ve been seeing each other for two years!” 

“Yes.” England agrees, “That’s barely any time at all.”

And England hopes Australia gets it. Sees his point and leaves it be. This love is doomed.

Australia throws his hands in the air, but makes sure to grab his plate of food before he storms out of the room.

New Zealand wisely continues to silently eat his dinner and ignores Malta’s sniggers.

-

“I want to marry her,” is possibly one of the worst things to wake up to from a nap on an otherwise pleasant Sunday afternoon.

England splutters awake, “Wha-what, who?” and squints through the glare at Australia “what are you rambling on about?”

England watches Australia’s jaw tense and sits up in the lounging chair.

“Claudia. I want to marry her.”

“Who” is on the very tip of England’s tongue, but he refrains, because didn’t Australia have some fling going on with a human girl?

“Why!?” England asks, stupefied, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Bloody hell, England, why else do you marry someone? I love her and want to be with her!”

England passes a hand over his face and despairs. 

“She’ll die, you know.”

Australia stands rooted to the spot, face frozen.

“She’ll age before you, she’ll die without you, and she’ll just be a tiny blip in your existence. She’ll ask you questions about your youth and any answers you give will not satisfy her.”

England lets his hands hang limply between his knees and idly wonders if Australia’s jaw will pop out from the force of his clenched teeth.

“You could be a little more supportive.” Australia grinds out. And this is just too stupid; England has to leave the room. He pushes past Australia and makes his way to his study where there’s no doubt something for him to do (drink) to get away from this idiocy.

As he leaves, he hears New Zealand say, “Why the hell would you go to him for support!?” and privately agrees.

-

Australia doesn’t bring the girl up again, so England reckons it’s been put to bed. Life goes on, conferences are attended etc. etc.

Except one day, Australia’s not there. England corners New Zealand to drill him on his brother’s absence. New Zealand makes a face and says, “You probably don’t care.”

“I care when a member of my Commonwealth doesn’t show his face at a mandatory conference!” England practically spits.

The panic of realising he has flipped the switch of England’s ire blooms across New Zealand’s face and he yields, if only to redirect the anger.

“He’s at home. His wife’s ill.”

England’s jaw spasms, “His _wife?!_ ”

“Yes, Claudia. Look, she’s really not well, England. Don’t go giving Australia a hard time.” 

England can’t seem to move past New Zealand’s previous answer, “ _Wife?!_ ” 

He casts his mind back, scrabbling in memories to identified when, exactly, Australia had gone and gotten married. And he stops, suddenly, in the remembered glare of the Sunday afternoon sun with a foggy head post nap and the words “I want to marry her”.

“Oh, shit.”

New Zealand’s expression is a cool one, “I mean it, England. It’s not a good time to go in guns blazing.”

But England doesn’t hear him. Married! Australia had gone and gotten married? Was still married?! That had been years ago! England whips around and stalks from the room. As the automated doors slide open for him, he catches the beginning of a conversation; “Hey, mate, I’m sorry, England’s heading your way-“.

Damn right, he is.

-

The door opens at the first knock. Australia’s grim face meets his. The heavy set of the lines of Australia’s face tell of his woes, but England can’t help himself; “You married her!?”. Before he can get a door in the face for his troubles, he back pedals, “No! No, sorry. Sorry, Australia. That was out of line.” 

Australia’s expression doesn’t change, but he opens the door wider and steps aside.

England takes the invitation and enters Australia’s home. It’s a different one from the last time he visited, many, many years ago. It’s bigger, friendlier and softer on the inside. This is a home touched by more than just Australia.

England stands, arms slack, and isn’t awkward, because when you’re as old as England, you don’t do awkward.

“How old is she?”

“Who?” Australia bites out, then pauses, makes a face when he realises he’s hurting himself more with that word than England and answers quietly, “ninety-one”.

England sees pain on Australia’s face and can only manage, “Oh.”

Ninety-one is old in human years, right? Australia would have had maybe sixty years with her? England swallows and determinedly does not think about loss.

Australia makes a noise and England looks up to see Australia watching him closely. He must approve of whatever he sees, because, to England’s complete surprise, he asks, “Do you want to meet her?”.

-

Australia pushes open a door further in the house. He takes a seat beside the bed in what is clearly a new habit. England turns his attention to the other person in the room.

The woman on the bed has thin strands of white hair, splayed around her head in a halo of snow. Her skin folds about her face, creating deep chasms that echo the life she has lead and emotions she’s worn. She’s beautiful. She’s devastating. She’s dying, and she’s taking Australia’s heart with her.

Australia grips her limp hand and says with forced ease, “She’s not responsive. The docs can’t do anything more for her, but she wanted to be home for the last of it. I’ve been trying to make her comfortable and the nurses come around every day.”

England nods. He moves to Australia’s side and grips his shoulder in solidarity and breathes, “I’m sorry,” and means _for everything_.

-

Claudia dies later that night. Australia is inconsolable. England doesn’t say “I told you so”.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, it's been a very long time between this story in the series and the last. The first half of this story was written a good year or two before the second half. I'm not really happy with it, but it's been in my head for so long I needed to get it out.
> 
> I have also realised, having finished this story, that for some people, it may be a bit contentious that Australia, or any nation of the Hetalia world, would marry. I didn't write this thinking "oh yes, let's have Australia get married", but thinking about the emotional aspect of the death of humans and the fact that the nations do not lead mortal lives, which I thought, in this situation, was best achieved by having someone fall in love with a mortal. Given the time period I imagined this taking place in, marriage would have been the done thing between a man and a woman who were together. 
> 
> Although Australia has already died in this universe, he has not felt loss, so this is how he learns about death. There's also more England in this than I had originally expected, simply because he would have lost so much in his long life and become so jaded.
> 
> I also didn't want to give "Claudia" a name, but I Australia and England just didn't want to talk in a way that allowed me to get away with that.


End file.
